Stuff I like.

Depression sucks ugh

At the Texas Freethought Convention last weekend, I met someone who helped me out when I was going through some emotional issues.  He found me on Facebook, and we’ve started chatting.  He asked me to tell him about myself.  This is (almost all of) what I replied:

Well right now I’m a college student. I graduated HS in 2008, went to Texas Tech (Lubbock) Fall 08-Spring 09, Collin College (the community college just north of Dallas) Summer 09-Fall 09, back to Texas Tech Spring 10, and back to Collin College Summer 10-I don’t have a clue. Definitely getting my bachelor’s in Sociology (and maybe double major in Psychology and even maybe-er a minor in Physics), graduating from UT Dallas or somewhere. I’m still figuring that part out.

Sociology wasn’t my first major, though. I started in music education (I was/am a band geek. Clarinet primarily, but I also marched sousaphone/tuba one year), then went to management information systems (I’m also a gadget nerd), then math education, then psychology…now I’m at sociology.

I was also a Boy Scout (made it to Life, right below Eagle), in the marching band (4 years), on the debate team (2.5 years), Whiz Quiz (academic bowl/trivia, 4 years) and the lead graphic designer on my high school’s newspaper staff (2 years). And while at Tech, I joined a music fraternity. It wasn’t quite the whole ‘greek’ experience, but I definitely got a taste of it. I’m also a certified SCUBA diver and compete in chess tournaments every now and then.

All the while, my family life sucked. My parents got divorced when I was 5 and they’ve been fighting and suing ever since. With such bitterly divided parents (and being the oldest child), I started getting depressed. My depression got profoundly bad in 10th grade, culminating in 2 attempts on my life. ‘Fortunately’, my MO was hanging, and although both times I tied the noose and had all I needed to ‘go’, I never kicked the chair away (nor really set up a chair, now that I think about it). As such, I was never in the position to be physically injured. Needless to say, though, I was emotionally devastated. After notifying some teachers of my struggles, I was sent to a mental hospital for 3 days. 

During my spiral downward, I got involved in the church of my upbringing: the Roman Catholic Church. The Catholic Church’s stance on suicide is that it’s wrong and you’re terrible for even thinking about doing it. 

Around that time, I was questioning my sexuality, as well as ‘fooling around’ with guys. What is the church’s stance on homosexuality? Well, they accept homosexuals, but you can’t have gay sex. 

So the combination of ‘suicide is bad’ and ‘you’ve already broken the rules on sex’ led me to believe that I was already going to hell. As far as the Church was concerned (I thought), I’d just be speeding up the process.

After my exit from the mental hospital, I stopped going to church. From the 2nd half of 10th grade (2006) until this past February, I was nothing. Not religious, not atheist, not nihilist, just nothing. No overarching philosophy to my life whatsoever. Just get through school and have fun.

So, what got me into atheism and secular humanism? Well, that’ll be for another message.

So this past Friday, I went to the UTD (University of Texas at Dallas) Atheist, Skeptic, and Humanist club’s first meeting. The meeting was ok, but the party afterward with some of the members was awesome.

Not only did I get fairly drunk (of course), but I met someone pretty amazing. 

• He was born in 1990
• He grew up Catholic, and went to a Catholic school
• He rejected Catholicism and is now active in the non-religious movement. 
• He eventually figured out that he wasn’t straight

Oh, and he grew up a mile (or two) away from me. He just went to a Catholic high school, whereas I went to the public high school.  We would have gone to the same school starting in 6th grade.

We even went to the same preschool at the same church. Probably at the same time. 

Damn.

Damn.

I mean, seriously. What. The. Fuck.

[For those of you who don’t know my personal life, that’s pretty much my life…just in a different order.]

So yeah.

As far as the rest of the weekend was concerned…well, I’m sure you can figure it out. Much sexual tomfoolery, much thinking about this particular person.

And needless to say, I’m in a hormonally-induced trance of happiness :D 

I couldn’t be more excited, yet I’m scared out of my mind.

In June, I submitted an official request of defection.  Yesterday (FINALLY), I got a letter from the Dallas diocese.  Only about a half hour ago did I open it, reading it and basking in it.

By no statistical method  can anyone consider me a catholic anymore.  What defined me for so long is no longer relevant.  It’s such a strange, liberating feeling.  I’m now in charge of defining who I am and will be.

It’s weird talking about the emotional side of atheism, but seriously, I feel so much more empowered now that I’m not tethered to a god or afterlife.  It’s been almost 6 months now, and I still consider discovering atheism to be the best decision I’ve made in my life. 

I just wish I could celebrate this with others.

Obama Blasts Republicans For Blocking Unemployment Benefits

ageofreason:

You’d think a devout Christian would know better than to deface someone’s property.

I’ll do the work tomorrow. I’ll set up my retirement account next month. I’ll get the thing done tomorrow than I’m not going to do today. Your future self isn’t any more reliable than your present self. Do it now.

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED why millions of Muslim men are dedicated to killing Americans? Or why so many are willing to blow themselves up to kill Israelis? Or why they are so committed to blowing up random people in Bali, London, Madrid, etc.? Islamic supremacists are doing this all over the world, attacking Westerners and their own fellow Muslims alike. Why? Because of a doctrine. A doctrine is a collection of ideas. These could be customs, words, beliefs, etc. A religion is not a single idea; it is a collection of ideas. The collection of ideas that make up the religion of Islam makes Muslims behave and feel as they do. Collections of ideas compete with each other in the same way that collections of cells (organisms) compete with each other. And because idea-collections compete, and because new ideas can often be added or subtracted from the collection, and because some collections gain more believers than others, collections of ideas can actually evolve. Let’s look at how religious idea-collections evolve and compete. To begin with, let’s assume we already have a religion established. It already has a holy book and millions of people are already believers. And then there is a slight variation.